It’s been far too long since I posted some of the strange search phrases that led people to my humble home on the web. You know the drill. The terms that someone typed into a search engine are in bold, my responses follow each one.

What do mandarin oranges look like? - Well, they’re round…and orange…

annoying cell phone quotes - Try these on for size: That cell phone is so annoying. I’m so annoyed by cell phones. Cell phones can be annoying little critters.

i love the way you smile at me - I’m so glad to hear that.

no mel gibson is a casino lemon - I have no witty retort for that one.

visene diarrhea - I don’t know what visene is. Do you mean visine, the eye drops? If so, I don’t know what in the wide world it would have to do with diarrhea.

how to broken leg - Ascend tall building. Jump.

cow imagine - Think of a large animal that eats grass, goes Moo! and has udders.

free list of working pickup lines - By working, do you mean gainfully employed or functional? It doesn’t really matter, because from my experience, pickup lines are neither.

whale flatulence - Hah! That’s comedy gold. Just saying it makes me chuckle.

reduce flatulation - Whale or human?

what is my wage - You’re asking me?

peoples ages - Well, let’s see. There’s 20, and 15, oh and 81, 67, 43, 11.

cow - Moo!

bum-diddle-de-um-bum - Bum bum!

i eat crayons - Glad to hear it.

poop pictures - Listen sickos (and there were already 11 of you this month alone) I do not photograph my excrement and even if I did, I would still be disturbed by the fact that you are coming to my site.

being single quotes - It’s like being double quotes, only leaner.