It’s been far too long since I posted some of the strange search phrases that led people to my humble home on the web. You know the drill. The terms that someone typed into a search engine are in bold, my responses follow each one.

What do mandarin oranges look like? – Well, they’re round…and orange…

annoying cell phone quotes – Try these on for size: That cell phone is so annoying. I’m so annoyed by cell phones. Cell phones can be annoying little critters.

i love the way you smile at me – I’m so glad to hear that.

no mel gibson is a casino lemon – I have no witty retort for that one.

visene diarrhea – I don’t know what visene is. Do you mean visine, the eye drops? If so, I don’t know what in the wide world it would have to do with diarrhea.

how to broken leg – Ascend tall building. Jump.

cow imagine – Think of a large animal that eats grass, goes Moo! and has udders.

free list of working pickup lines – By working, do you mean gainfully employed or functional? It doesn’t really matter, because from my experience, pickup lines are neither.

whale flatulence – Hah! That’s comedy gold. Just saying it makes me chuckle.

reduce flatulation – Whale or human?

what is my wage – You’re asking me?

peoples ages – Well, let’s see. There’s 20, and 15, oh and 81, 67, 43, 11.

cow – Moo!

bum-diddle-de-um-bum – Bum bum!

i eat crayons – Glad to hear it.

poop pictures – Listen sickos (and there were already 11 of you this month alone) I do not photograph my excrement and even if I did, I would still be disturbed by the fact that you are coming to my site.

being single quotes – It’s like being double quotes, only leaner.