australian tourism

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. (between brackets the country where the question was coming from)

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney. Can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water with you.

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise (Italy)
A: Let’s not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATM’s (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific, which does not…… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked!

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face South and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send you the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tria is that quaint little country bordering Ger-ma-ny, which is…. oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked!

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink!

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we’ll import them!

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

20. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

21. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.


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  1. Very, VERY funny!!! All true, though!

    Comment by Tara on March 13, 2005 @ 7:59 pm
  2. VERY funny, and typical Aussie humor — but does this website actually exist? Anyone know where?

    Comment by Joe on March 30, 2005 @ 11:31 pm
  3. Joe: I think it’s just a joke. I searched Google for the original site but all I found were hundreds of references with varying explanations (questions before the olympics, australian tourism site etc.)

    Comment by dan on March 31, 2005 @ 11:33 pm

    Comment by The Janitor on April 8, 2005 @ 4:58 am
  5. Great questions, Best question I was ever asked ( by an Australian )

    Was . . . .

    How does water get into the creeks ( and rivers ) ?.

    I was dumb struck !

    Duh Duh . . we carry the water in buckets from rain water on the roof


    Comment by Rex on January 18, 2006 @ 4:30 am
  6. Very funny! My daughter lives in Kilcunda, Victoria., Australia; one of our relatives actually asked me if they celcbrate Christmas there! I forwarded this to my daughter and her husband —
    he is an Aussie.

    Comment by Shirley on August 2, 2007 @ 8:00 pm
  7. that is just the funniest thing ever!!!!
    are teacher read them out in class cause shes from australia
    seriously i didnt know that the british and americans etx were that stupid hahaha

    Comment by katrina on November 18, 2007 @ 11:30 am
  8. um are u allowed 2 wear clothes or is it 2 hot in ausssie

    Comment by na on February 28, 2009 @ 11:42 pm
  9. are You Allowed to Sh– In Australia ? Or Do I Have To Hold It Till I get Back Home. I Am Really Conserned About What I dO !!!! D:

    Comment by Buddy ching chong China Man on December 12, 2010 @ 6:26 pm
  10. Ooooh man, we want you, we love you,…….


    Visit Australia we will share the experience with all tourists?! We look after you! Your well fare is going to be looked after by millions of CCTV Cameras, hidden Speed Cameras, Hidden Parking cameras, red light Cameras, Taxi Cameras, hidden Cameras in rental vehicles, hidden cams here and hidden cams there !!!!
    We are the safest country in the world. But take a look your self at film footage.
    If you are missing former Eastern Europe and heavy handed police tactics, then come to Australia.
    Or listen to F1 Driver Mark Webber and his opinion about his own Country
    So you say, You will not drive a car in Australia and then You will be safe!! Right?
    Maybe you are right!?
    Come to Melbourne
    Are you safe in Sydney?
    Well, maybe you are safe in Albany then? …..ay, what do you think? or in Cairns

    Sure the Police will help you. Ay mate?
    Come to Queensland to get bashed by police then but that is only a black man you said?????? OK, so you are white? You are of course better! Or maybe not! The Cops are the son’s and daughters of former criminals / convicts and are trained to be vicious dogs that can’t leave you alone and you never know when they will bite you.
    But our “fair dinkum Australians” are even better. Take a look at those comments on Indien students, who dared to protest after some racially motivated bashings of Indien Students

    Do Not complain, Because they will tell you to leave; – they will tell you that you are Unwanted in Australia; – they will ridicule you; – they will make you look like a DICK. And if that doesn’t work they will create an Anglo Royal Commission, which will establish you as a comrade of Bin Laden or Moammar Ghaddafy to keep you from reoffending. Keep you ill informed, make you believe that you are doing yourself a favor dobbing in your best mate and calling him an Anti – Christ just because he doesn’t believe in the Bull—- that has been imposed on ALL of us 23 million Australians.
    Including YOU!!!
    Blatant, utter Bull—- is Justification to STEAL YOUR MONEY!
    What?? You don’t believe me? I told you; “You are welcome”!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by j John on June 4, 2011 @ 11:41 pm
  11. @j John Don’t be bashful, tell us how you really feel :)

    Comment by Dan on June 5, 2011 @ 3:35 pm
  12. is where these questions come from it is a legit website.

    Comment by Netwit on November 9, 2011 @ 10:54 pm
  13. @Netwit Thanks for the link

    Comment by Dan on November 10, 2011 @ 8:37 am

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