how to foil a UFO abduction

I have a worst case scenario desk calendar and today’s survival tip is how to foil a UFO abduction.

1. Control your thoughts.
Do not think of anything violent or upsetting – the extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE) may have the ability to read your mind.

2. Resist verbally.
Firmly tell the EBE to leave you alone.

3. Resist mentally.
Picture yourself enveloped in a protective shield of light, or in a safe place. Telepathic EBEs may get the message.

4. As a last resort, go for the EBE’s eyes – you will not know what its other more sensitive areas are.

It’s just plain weird that they consider themselves the experts on alien abductions. How do they know the best way to foil one?

As for #2, how would the alien know English? With #3, for all we know, being enveloped in a shield of white light may be the universal sign for please kill me in their society. And lastly on #4, their eyes could be the stongest parts of their bodies. Or even worse, attacking the eyes could be their mating ritual. Hope you enjoy your new life with a little green man.


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  1. Yeah, I’m thinking the last thing you’d want to do is anything that would set these little sods off, like gouging out their eyes. They might as well add #5. Pissing on a spart-plug. I say let ’em probe you, get the scrotum implant and be done with it. Wam-bam, you’re in an out, 30 minutes, tops.

    Comment by jason on March 8, 2004 @ 4:32 pm
  2. Your worst case link is probably the worst case of all — it’s dead.

    Comment by Cameron on March 9, 2004 @ 7:30 am
  3. Inconceivable.

    Comment by dan on March 9, 2004 @ 8:10 am
  4. That word? I do not thinka it means what you thinka it means.

    Comment by Jan on March 9, 2004 @ 2:29 pm
  5. Yoyur just plying with peoples mind

    Comment by Ana Julia on September 30, 2004 @ 8:11 am

Comments are closed