Fairy Tales Rewritten

 

This is my version of how fairy tales and children's stories should have gone. It points out the absurdity and foolishness that we just take for granted when we tell or read the story to our kids. Some may claim the stories are metaphors and have hidden lessons in them, but I maintain that a good story, even one with a metaphor or lesson, should still make sense.

I'm not saying these stories would be more entertaining this way, but I derive a sense of entertainment from rewriting them to be more logical.


1. Goldilocks - The bears lock the door when they leave and Goldilocks can't get in. The End.

2. Little Red Riding Hood - The wolf eats Little Red Riding Hood when he meets her in the forest instead of going through all the trouble of taking a shortcut and impersonating her grandmother. The End.

3. The Three Little Pigs - The wolf eats all three pigs while they're building their houses. The End.

4. All Curious George books - The man with the yellow hat takes responsibility for his pet instead of leaving him unsupervised. George no longer gets into trouble. The End.

5. The Wizard of Oz - Dorothy trades her slippers for the Wicked Witch's broom and goes home. The End. (via xkcd)

6. Rumpelstiltskin - When the king asks the miller if it's true that his daughter can spin straw into gold the miller says, "Of course not, I was being metaphorical." The End.

7. Cinderella - Cinderella goes to the ball in her normal clothes and even the shallow Prince can see she's beautiful. The End.

Have more? Send them in.

Updated Nov 18, 2013