Books never written

 

We used to think these up in third grade and the great thing about them is that I still think they're funny now.


1. The Yellow River by I.P. Daily

2. The Numbers Game by Cal Q. Later

3. Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butts

4. Rusty Bed Springs by I.P. Freeley

5. Twenty Yards to the Outhouse by Willie Makit, illustrated by Betty Wont and published by Andy Dint

6. Spots on the Wall by Hugh Flung Poo

7. Falling Off a Cliff by Eileen Dover

8. The Complete Proctologist's Handbook by Ben Dover

9. The Joys of Drinking by Al Coholic

10. My Life with Igor by Frank N. Stein

11. Supporting Athletes by Jacques Strappe

12. Things That Itch by Mike Rotch

13. I Was Prepared by Justin Case

14. Green Spots on the Wall by Picken and Flicken

15. Small Treasures in the Toilet Bowl by I.P. Nickels

16. What Makes a Good Thief by Ian Yerhous

17. Waiting in Line for the Bathroom by Ivana Tinkle

18. Practical proctology by Bea Hind

19. The future of robotics by Cy Borg and Anne Droid

20. What to do if you're in a car accident by Rhea Ender

21. How Things Work by Wyatt Dunne

22. Breathing Lessons by Hal E. Tosis

23. Why Should I Walk? by Iona Carr

24. Deep in Debt by Owen A. Lott

25. The Most and the Least by Maxi & Minnie Mum

26. Taking a Test by B.A. Wiseman

27. The Sun by Sol Ar

28. Pie by Don Cherry

29. Blazing! by Lotta Heat

30. Computer Memory by Meg A. Byte

31. Gotta Go by C. U. Later

32. How to Serve Your Fellow Man by The Cannibals

33. Can't Go There by Hans Off

34. Card Suits by Di A. Mond

35. Checking Your Homework by R.U. Wright

36. The Membership List by Ross Terr

37. Manwich by "Slop" E. Joe

38. The Giant Clock Tower by "Big" Ben

39. All About Flowers by Chris Anthymum

40. Short Shorts by Daisy Duke

41. Boy Scout Brigade by Pat Troll

42. The Lost Scout by Werram Eye

43. Al Gore: The Wild Years

44. Amelia Earhart's Guide to the Pacific Ocean

45. America's Most Popular Lawyers

46. Career Opportunities for History Majors

47. Detroit - A Travel Guide

48. Different Ways to Spell "Bob"

49. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches

50. Easy UNIX

51. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance

52. Everything Men Know About Women

53. Everything Women Know About Men

54. French Hospitality

55. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names

56. How to Sustain a Solo Musical Career by Art Garfunkel

57. Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette

58. One Hundred and One Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA

59. Staple Your Way to Success

60. The Amish Phone Book

61. The Engineer's Guide to Fashion

62. Things I Wouldn't Do for Money by Dennis Rodman

63. Human Rights Advances in China

64. The Differences Between Reality and Dilbert

65. The Book of Virtue by Bill Clinton

66. Famous Italian War Heroes

67. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan

68. Things I Can't Afford by Bill Gates

69. Things I Love About Bill by Hillary Clinton

70. How to Get to the Superbowl by Dan Marino

71. All the Satisfied Windows Users

72. Usages for Plutonium in the kitchen

73. Feminists Men Want to Marry

74. How to Choose the Best Lace Doily for Any Occasion by Arnold Schwarzenegger

75. Attractive Floral Arrangements by Sean Connery

76. How to Make Bush Smart by Uca Ant

77. The Day Hitler Ruined My Barmitsva by Ima Jew

78. Three Hundred And Twelve Ways To Die By Household Appliance by Sue I. Cide

79. The Day I Took Mr. Winky and Threw Him In A Sewer by L. Bobbit

80. Household Book of Tools by M.C. Hammer

81. How to Project Your Voice by Milli Vanilli

82. Fly Fishing by J.R. Hartley

83. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, "Special People" are from ?

84. How to deal with bankruptcy by Bill Gates

85. How to Love Everyone by Adolf Hitler

86. How to be a Kamikaze Pilot by Osama Bin Laden

87. Late for Work by Dr. Wages

88. Kitty's Revenge by Claude Balls

89. Brown Streaks Across the Desert by Who Flung Dung

90. Ten Years in the Bathtub by Rink Lee Prune

91. Antlers in the Tree Top by Hugh Goostamooce

92. The Rolling Hills of Iowa

93. Tiger in the Bathroom by Heidi Ingthe Tub

94. How to Eat Cereal by Poor A. Bowl

95. Smelly Stuff by Anita Bath

96. Being Lonely by Shenita Mann.

97. Technology in the 21st century by Rob Ott

98. A Hitchiker's Guide To Not Getting Killed by Ren Tacar

99. Things Women Can't Do by B. A. Mann

100. Gotta Go To The Bathroom by Think L. Maket, Illustrated by Betty Went, Published by Doris Laukt

101. The Art of Being of Discreet by Anonymous

102. What Happens When You Light A Fart by Hugh Gexplo Zhun

103. Bubbles in the Bath by Ivor Windybottom

104. Can't Sit Still by Ivan Auflitch

105. Microsoft Business Practices by Eve Hill

106. I Must Go Again by D. I. Aria

107. Interesting Places Around The World by Ben There & Don That

108. Pop Goes the Hamster and Other Great Microwave Games

109. How to Win in the Stock Market by Martha Stewart

110. The Importance of Telling the Truth by Bill Clinton

111. The Incompetent Bullfighter

112. Paris Monuments by I. Phil Taurer

113. Text Editing by E. Max and Vi

114. The Sheets Are Wet by I.P. Nightly

115. The Bearded Chinaman by Harry Chin

116. How to Exercise by Eileen and Ben Dover

117. Magical Bed Wettings by Peter Pants

118. A Devoted Husband by Bill Clinton

119. 100 ways to Diet by I. M. Hungry

120. One Wife is Best by Henry VIII

121. 101 Things to do on a Sunny Day in England

122. Getting Fired by Anita Job

123. Great Resturants by Bo Leamick

124. How to Remember Your Lines by Charlie Chaplin

125. Idiot's Guide to Babysitting by Fruit Juice

126. Crossing a Man with a Duck by Willie Waddle

127. A Sailor's Adventure by Ron A. Ground

128. Green Vegetables by Brock Ali

129. Never Shave Again by Harry Pitts

130. Long Walk Home by Miss. D. Bus

131. Sitting on the Beach by Sandy Cheeks

132. Window Coverings by Kurt and Rod

133. Wheels in China by Rick Shaw

134. How To Dance by Sheik Yerbouti

135. Something Smells by I. Ben Pharting

136. I.Q. Competitions by Samar T. Pants

137. The Secret of Touching Your Toes by Ben Dover

138. The View of the Skyline by Bill Ding

139. My Life as a Gas Station Attendant by Phil R. Awp

140. What Evita Left Behind by Oliver Shoes

141. Embarassing Missing Items by Bikin E. Bottoms

142. How to Manage Your Company's Finances by Enron

143. Your Private Life Makes National News by Holly Wood

144. Hot Wiring by Nick Carrs & Joy Ryder

145. Easy Money by Robyn Banks

146. The Sedan Chair by Carrie Walker

147. The Science of Optometry by Seymour Clearly

148. The last supper by M. T. Potts.

149. How to Destroy Buildings by Dyna Might

150. Beauty Secrets by Janet Reno

151. Things I Love About Bill by Hillary Clinton

152. My Life's Memories by Ronald Reagan

153. Things I Can't Afford by Bill Gates

154. The Wild Years by Al Gore

155. America's most Popular Lawyers

156. Detroit - A Travel Guide

157. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches

158. Everything Men Know About Women

159. Everything Women Know About Men

160. All the Men I've Loved Before by Ellen Degeneres

161. Mike Tyson's Guide to Dating Etiquette

162. Spotted Owl Recipes by the Sierra Club

163. My Plan to Find the Real Killers by O. J. Simpson

164. My Book of Morals by Bill Clinton

165. Transportation in the Middle Ages Orson Cart

166. Growing up in the Balkans by Hugo Slavia

167. The Outboard Motor Died by Rhoda Shaw

168. Answering the Questions of the Universe by Howard I. Know

169. Our Son, Russell, the Chef by Mr. & Mrs. Upsumgrub

170. How to Write a Mystery Novel by Paige Turner

171. The Great English Breakfast by Chris P. Bacon

172. Vacation Spots in the Tropics by Sandy Beech

173. What Old Cars Have by Rust E. Paint

174. Drops on the Toilet Seat by I.P. Skew

175. Weak Bladder by I.P. Often

176. Torn Fingernails by I. Bightem

177. The Great Missile Barrage, by Lonch M. Awl

178. Tight Situation by Leah Tard

179. Crack in the Sidewalk by Bobby Tript

180. The Old Bell Tower by Rusty Bell

181. Tiger On the Loose By Claude Balls

182. Meeting in France by Ron DeVous

183. A Trip to the Dentist by Lord Howard Hurts

184. Dentist Appointment by Too Thurtee

185. So Thirsty by Phillip A. Jug

186. Carnival Rides by Ivana Herl

187. Trails in the Sand by Peter Dragon

188. Swimming in the Ocean by C. Lyons

189. Walking Tall by G. Raffe

190. Never Forget by L. E. Phunt

191. Uninteresting Tales by I. M. Yawning

192. All About Fences by Barb Wyer

193. In the Men's Room by R. U. Dunn

194. The Russian Butcher by Iva Katchalimoff

195. Farting Habits by L. Edder Wrip

196. What's That Smell? by Justice Phards

197. Hole in the Mattress by Mr. Completely

198. Big Waves by Sue Nami

199. Eating Out With Senior Citizens by Toochi P. Toupee

200. Out the Window by Hugo Furst

201. Yellow Spots on the Rug by G.I.P.

202. Stinky Shoes, a Mystery by Hugh Stephen Poo

203. Knocked in the Head by I. C. Starrs

204. Yellow Sky by Pierre

205. Bloody Stubbs by Rusty Zipper

206. The First Thanksgiving by Ima Pilgrim

207. Where's Grandma's Purse by Robin Nana

208. I'm Not Sober by Ivan Drinkon

209. Saving Peaches by Mason Jar

210. Looking Out Windows by Seymour Treese

211. Full Bladder by Betty Wiz

212. Lullaby by Sarah Nade

213. Where's My Stuff by I. Ben Robbed

214. Falling Down by Ima Drunk

215. Working With Plumbers by Seymour Crack

216. Desert Crossing by I. Rhoda Kamel

217. I Wrote a Book by Talmee Moar

218. Talking to Dentists by Phil McCavity

219. Car Rental by Naomo R. Woking

220. Not Going To Do It by Ida Wanna

221. The Lion's Revenge by Claude Phays

222. Complete Guide to Prenatal Care by I. M. Leight

223. I Know What You're Thinking by Clair Voyant

Have more? Send them in.

Updated Sep 16, 2014

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