great to be a guy
I put this list up with a bit of trepidation that I will receive
a torrent of angry emails from females that find this insulting. I may
not be giving people enough credit to take humor as it is intended: to
poke fun at ourselves. These are all just in good fun and are not meant
to offend anyone. With that said, see if you can think of some new ones.
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a rats hindquarters whether or not someone notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station because "this one is just too icky."
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress, $5,000; Tux Rental, $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood, ALL the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You don't mind wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can do your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 30 minutes.
You can pack for a trip in less than a half hour.
Your hair is dry after taking a shower by the time you're dressed.
Facial hair is a good thing.
You can go to the bathroom without a support group
None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
You can write your name in the snow.
You can take your shirt off on a hot day.
You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
Gray hair adds character.
With 400 million sperm per go, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, in theory.
If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?"
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
You don't care if the toilet seat is left up.
One acronym that doesn't pertain - PMS.
You don't have to wear makeup.
You can think about girls all the time and it's alright.
You can lean down to pick something up without having to worry about your shirt hanging open.
You don't get pregnant.
You don't take hours and hours to get ready.
You don't secretly resent friends who are more attractive.
You don't care if you look like crap when your picture is taken.
Homer Simpson makes perfect sense.
You don't have to worry about breaking a nail.
Complaints about something being to heavy are kept to yourself.
Your eyes can remain open when you step on the scale.
You can take pride in breaking wind.
A shower only takes a few minutes and the drain doesn't get clogged with hair.
Beauty and the Beast (average guys can get hot girls).
You don't go around asking your buddies whether the pants you're wearing make your butt look big.
You get praise for doing things around the house once in a while.
A hair cut costs less than $20
Three shirts and two pairs of pants are enough clothes for a month.
You can be potty trained by a Cheerio floating in the toilet.
You don't have to hide from the camera if you don't have your makeup on.
You can think about absolutely nothing.
Updated Jul 18, 2012