imitation sincerest form of fartery
In order to write the next part of the progressive story I searched Google to find the right phrase for flatulation and found Justin’s site. I admit it’s a strange way to find a site and not the type of thing you’d bring up at the dinner table. “In my search for a farting euphemism I found a lovely web site.” In any case, it led me to a genuinely funny story.
Justin was using the restroom and heard someone break wind in one of the stalls. Without thinking, he imitated the Bronx cheer, then realized his faux pas and began to snicker. If I had been a fly on the wall, I fear I would have wet my little fly britches after witnessing the spectacle. I still laugh when I recall the story.
It will make more sense if you read it straight from the fart-noise-making mouth of Justin. It’s too bad he stopped writing, I thoroughly enjoyed reading his archives.
Oh that is funny. I think we’ve all witnessed that exact same thing in a public restroom. In Navy bootcamp we didn’t have the luxury of having private stalls. Each of the toilets is less than an arms length away and lined up in a long row. I remember quite vividly, walking into the head (that’s a Navy term for “restroom”), especially in the morning and seeing a line of guys sitting on the thrown. Not only was it disturbing to see them there, but when toots were made everyone would turn around and look at the guy making them. Not surprisingly, I became quite adept at controlling my internals until I could get some private time to do my business.
Well, since you boys brought the topic up, here’s my $.02 on bathroom privacy. I know at least 3 girls who will not use public restrooms for doing #2. #1, sure no problem. But not #2. Heck, we even have private stalls with doors so I can’t figure it out. What is up with that? Is this a problem for any guys? And how can they wait all day? Do they not eat fiber?
I was surprised to learn that some girls don’t sit when they do #2 in public restrooms. Though I’ve never tried it, that would seem to require exceptionally strong legs and a whole lot more effort than I’m willing to make just to avoid sitting. There would also be the danger of slipping and landing on the seat with an undignified plop.
I don’t know about other guys (it doesn’t often come up in conversation) but I use public restrooms when nature calls and when I do number two, I sit. So far, I’m not aware of any health problems because of it. I’m not even sure how you would get a disease, unless it was some sort of rash on your hindquarters.
I have a feeling Seinfeld would have discussed this with his tv show friends. They talked about everything!
There’s all sorts of diseases that have a very remote possibility of being contracted from a toilet seat. Though those cases are quite rare, that doesn’t stop people with numerous bedpost notches from using that as an excuse when they contract something unpleasant.
At any rate, it’s just icky to sit your rear where someone else’s sweaty bum was. A barrier of t.p. is peace of mind, if nothing else.
Us girl have another toilet seat residue to contend with – body lotion with glitter! We’ve seen this at work. There’s a girl here with wild hair and makeup and, yes, glittery skin. Someone walked into a stall after her and the seat was covered with glitter!
I’ll keep an eye out for an episode where Seinfeld talks about it. I can’t think of one offhand.
If I see something on the seat, I’ll wipe it off with some toilet paper but I’ve used seat covers and found them to be a hassle. Thankfully I’ve never found glitter on the seat, something I hope to be able to say for the rest of my mortal sojourn.
Personally, unless a public washroom happens to provide an a**-gasket, which is quite rare, I end up tearing two long pieces of toilet paper for each side of the seat, and one short one for the front (and sometimes one for the rear). I mean, I want some degree of protection between my schlong and inside-front of the toilet bowl, since it happens to have a nice warm, wet hole (my schlong, not the toilet bowl) that is rather handy for contracting unpleasant things from toilets (not that I ever have, but I’d imagine that’s got more to do with precaution than simply non-possibility).
With regards to funny bathroom stories, my best has to do with one of the other guys in my hall my sophomore year of college actually falling asleep on the john. The person who discovered him – you could hear him snoring – made sure to inform as many guys (and a fair number of girls) as possible of the situation, in addition to giving us ample time to visit the bathroom and have a good laugh, before rapping on the door and waking him up.