Maybe I was in a foul mood. Maybe I like to complain. Maybe I’m a bitter man who likes to use words I’ve never heard of before but found in the thesaurus. Whatever the reason, I’m going to give you a glimpse into my infrequent yet sometimes cynical thoughts. Below are three phrases and my almost unconscious response to them. Really, the response just pops into my head when I hear or read them.

1. Needless to say…

If it doesn’t need to be said, why in flapping quackers are you saying it?

2. That being said…

If you barely finished saying something is it really necessary to refer to how you just said something before you move on?

3. I could care less

If you could care less, then you care for it. I think you mean you couldn’t care less.

Now that you’ve read my blathering on those phrases, feel free to use them all you want. I just liked using the word opprobrious.