First off, I highly recommend you get out of debt. Cut up the credit card, or do whatever it takes to stop adding to your debt now. To learn more about your credit score, click here. Now, on with my story.
Have you ever closed a credit card? Did their response make you feel like you were asking to drown a newborn kitten? I understand that they don’t want to lose my business, but resisting my direct request made me never want to deal with them again.
The phone call starts out fine. You ask to cancel your account, and they tell you no problem, they will transfer you to an account specialist. I wouldn’t be surprised if the account specialist moonlights as a high-pressure salesman (or woman). It took a great deal of effort to convince them to close the account.
Cue frustration and anger.
Waldo: Hello, my name is Waldo (I forget his actual name) and I’m an account specialist. How can I help you?
Me: I’d like to cancel my credit card please. (If this guy is the account specialist, who was I just talking to? The janitor?)
Waldo: Why do you want to cancel it?
Me: Because I don’t want to have this credit card anymore.
Waldo: Do you have any other active credit card accounts?
Me: Yes.
Waldo: Why are you closing this one instead of one of them?
Me: No special reason, I picked one and this was it. (Dang, I should have said I didn’t have any other credit cards)
Waldo: What could we do to keep you as our customer?
Me: Close my account. (I know, it’s sort of paradoxical.)
Waldo: We would like to keep you as our customer. What can we do to keep your business?
Me: Absolutely nothing. (Besides closing my account of course)
Waldo: Absolutely nothing, huh?
Me: Yup.
Waldo: Do you have a balance on any other cards?
Me: No (This was false, but I didn’t want to hear what was on the other end of the ‘Yes’ arrow on his account cancellation flowchart). Would you please just close my account?
Waldo: But we don’t want to lose you as a customer.
Me: But I want to close my account.
Waldo: Did we do something wrong?
Me: No. Would you please close my account?
Waldo: So there’s nothing we can do to keep you as a customer?
Me: No.
Waldo: Is there anything that would make you change your mind?
Me: No.
Waldo: So there’s nothing we can do to keep you as a customer?
Me: No. (By the way, you already used that line)
Waldo: Okay, please cut up your card. If you change your mind you can call us anytime within a year and we will reenable your account.
Me: Thank you.
For a company that said they appreciated my business, they could have shown it by doing what I asked.
